Book Excerpt
I
had a frightful dream. I was standing at the altar with my wife and 400 guests
in attendance. It seemed to be a repeat of our wedding in 1976. My now
95-year-old father performed the ceremony for my wife and me the first time around,
and that’s how old he appeared to be in this vision. He kept forgetting the
lines and was forever looking at me for support. At one point, I was
whispering, “The rings, the rings.” I kept reaching for them, but they were
disappearing before I could grab them.
Albie,
my cousin and best man from my first wedding, was singing Sonny and Cher’s, I Got You Babe. Normally, he can’t sing
for shit, but in this scenario, he had his hand on his chest and his head back,
sounding like Luciano Pavarotti. What was this all about?
My
father, the minister, wearing his trademark Champion sweatshirt, with coffee
stains on the chest portions, pronounced us man and wife. I turned to kiss my
new bride and caught a glimpse of her bridesmaid. But instead of her best
friend who was her attendant back in the day, it was Gal Godot from DC Comics
and the movies.
She
was wearing her Wonder Woman garb, but she didn’t seem primed for a wedding. In
fact, she appeared to be totally shocked by the whole affair. What kind of
dream was this?
My
wife and I ended the ceremony with a kiss. My mother turned to my father (who
was then in attendance in the audience) with a quizzical look and said, “Dad,
look at that bridesmaid. Isn’t that Superman?”
She
was close. She doesn’t get out much.
Oh,
and then, though neither of us would be caught dead on a motorcycle, in this
weird musing, we were apparently bikers. Instead of a limousine waiting for us
at the curb, there sat a racy motorcycle with cans in tow. It looked like this
one:
I
Googled it. It’s a BMW S1000RR—sleek, fast, and flashy.
But
before I could get on the bike, she pulled off without me, as the cans tied to
the wheels of the hot machine banged on the street, while her gown billowed in
the breeze. She had left me standing in the street like a lost soul.
True, I shouldn’t have been drinking the
caffeinated tea before bed, but more to the point, maybe, just maybe, this
crazy vision was a warning, a forecast, an omen. Maybe it was God’s way of
telling me that Wonder Woman could show up at your wedding without even paying
her an appearance fee. Or even more to the point, perhaps it was to make me appreciate
what I have.
What
if the unthinkable happened to my wife? What if she succumbed to a disease, or
was killed in a terrible auto accident? Or worse, what if her life were cut
short in a vicious pit bull attack?
I
jest. But you never know.
About the Book
Title: Jay Got MarriedAuthor: James Robinson Jr.
Genre: Non-Fiction Humor
Jay Got Married consists of 9 humorous and, at times, poignant essays chronicling the ironies of everyday life in word and picture. Take for example the lead essay, aptly titled, “Jay got Married,” where I find myself mired in a horrendous dream.
In the fantasy, my aging father–dressed in his favorite Champion t-shirt with stains covering the front–marries my wife and I like he did 42 years ago but, this time around, the my 92-year-old ex-clergy dad forgets his lines causing me to coach him through the event with hints like: “ask for the rings, ask for the rings.” All the while, my best man sings Sonny and Cher’s, “I Got You Babe.”
Finally married, my wife and I end the ceremony with a kiss. But as I turn to exit, my eyes catch a glimpse of the bridesmaid who is no longer my wife’s best friend but now Gal Gadot from Dell Comics and Wonder Woman Fame. She is dressed in full Wonder Women regalia and looks totally shocked by the whole affair.
My mother turns to my father (now in the audience) with a quizzical look and says, “Dad, look at that bridesmaid. Isn’t that Superman?” She doesn’t get out much.
As we exit the church, and the bubbles fill the air–no one uses rice anymore—my wife ignores the limo and takes off on a sleek motorcycle, leaving me in the lurch—hence the cover.
Sure, it’s sounds crazy. But, in truth, isn’t the world of marriage crazy these days? In my case, what would one do when faced with the prospect of losing their beloved wife after 42 years? At age 67, would they remarry? Would they even want to remarry? These and other marital tidbits are discussed with humor and as much reverence as I could muster.
P.S. The author pairs up with Wonder Woman again in a final bit of photo wizardry Why? How? How are tricky copyright infringement laws avoided? Read Jay Got Married and find out.
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