zaterdag 20 juni 2015
August 19, 1985
Tomorrow I’ll have my surgery. I am afraid. I have been praying like crazy. I know God will make it okay. I just need to keep asking. If it is His will, it will be done. He wouldn’t have given me this baby if it wasn’t His will. So I will keep praying for Him to keep this baby safe.
I hope I can raise this baby here in an environment like I was raised in Drake Falls. I would love so much for my child to be as happy here as I was there. Drake Falls will always be like a fairy tale for me. I pray this home can be the same for my child.
I fully believe Drake Falls was such a wonderful place because everybody lived the same economic existence. It was also wonderful because my extended family didn’t see me much because we lived so far away. It was a time when I could relax and feel as though no one would hurt me. I didn’t have to look over my shoulder and wonder whether someone was going to take me into a room, shut the door, and hurt me. I didn’t have to live in constant fear. I could breathe a sigh of relief and shove the past deep within myself.
I spent a lot of time in my room. I loved to stare out the window. There was a big oak tree right outside and I would gaze at it while I sat on my bed. My room was a place of healing, peace, and rest.
I remember once when a few extended family members visited us there. But nothing bad happened and it was a short visit. I was very grateful for that.
The only really bad thing that happened at Drake Falls was when a kid in school told me he didn’t like me, and said he was going to beat me up. It was a kid in one of my classes that had an attitude against me for a while. I usually ignored him but this day I didn’t.
We were standing in the classroom in the middle of the day right before recess.
“I’m gonna’ beat you up at recess,” he told me.
“Go ahead,” I said. “Beat me up. I don’t care.”
I don’t know what possessed me to tell him to beat me up. I guess I didn’t think he would really do it.
When the recess bell rang, I headed outside. As I was walking down the hall, the kid ran up behind me and started punching me in the back. Luckily, my teacher saw him and ran quickly over to us, restraining him and yelling to another teacher. Soon both teachers were next to us.
“Are you alright, Joan?” one teacher asked me.
Crying, I answered between sobs, “I’m...okay...”
“Why did you hit Joan?” the teacher restraining the boy asked.
“I don’t like her,” the boy said.
“Well, just because you don’t like someone doesn’t mean you can beat them up,” the teacher said. “Come with me. We’re going to see the principal.”
They disappeared down the hallway and around a corner. The principal never asked me what happened. I guess the teacher filled him in. The strange thing about it is that the kid who beat me up moved away shortly after the incident. A couple of months later he moved back. He must have been pondering about what he had done to me.
I will never forget how surreal it was when he walked up to me and told me he was sorry. I remember thinking to myself, “I wish everybody would say they were sorry when they hurt someone.”
If everyone would say they were sorry, this world would be a much better place.
Title: Breaking the Silence
Author: Diamante Lavendar
Genre: Women’s Fiction
Based on a true story, a new novel from Diamante Lavendar. Joan Eastman was born like any other girl. However her life would prove to be a life of great pain… Growing up, she was treated differently by family members, powerless to defend herself against their sexual and psychological abuse. Feeling she had been dealt a wicked hand by the “powers that be”, she spiraled into substance abuse and troubled relationships. She became a victim of addiction and self-hatred. Not giving up, she becomes aware of a greater spiritual being that protects her and she begins to heal. Then she finds herself pregnant. She learns to understand nothing is hopeless; that with a changed view and self discovery, there is real hope in every situation, no matter how difficult. As she and her husband look forward to the birth of their child, she writes in her diary as a way of expelling all of the evil memories. On bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy, she endures tests and tribulations that at first she couldn’t begin to understand. But no matter how high the hurdles in Joan’s life are, she doesn’t look back, and pulls the pieces of her life together…for herself and her unborn child. This inspirational story speaks of Joan’s gradual self acceptance and healing of her body, mind and spirit. It speaks of the possibilities of the future and the fulfillment of the dream of love and family. And it speaks of jumping the hurdles in life without looking back, no matter how high those hurdles may be
Diamante Lavendar has been in love with reading since she was a child. She spent many hours listening to her mother read to her when she was young. As she grew older, she enjoyed reading novels of all genres: horror, fantasy and some romance to name a few.
She began writing in college and published some poetry in anthologies over the years. After her kids were older, she wrote as a form of self expression and decided she wanted to share her stories with others.
Most of her writing is very personal and stems from her own experiences and those of her family and friends. She writes to encourage hope and possibility to those who read her stories.
Diamante believes that everyone should try to leave their own positive mark in the world, to make it a better place for all. Writing is the way that she is attempting to leave her mark—one story at a time.
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